So after a stunning TakeOver XXV, where we saw Johnny Champion turn into good ol' Johnny Gargano once again (I said in my NXT column from last week that I'd be pretty much okay with either, and I am now, but Saturday night, I was not pleased) and a bunch of other terrific matches, we had a pair of go-home shows to sell people on the idea that Super Showdown has a series of Wrestlemania-worthy matches, when the reality is that Vince McMahon and WWE are perfectly okay with taking money from Saudi Arabia, but don't want to put it in anyone's heads that they're doing that because we know how problematic the Saudi royal family is.
I know that I've been shitting on the main roster shows for the last several weeks now, and I hate to sound like a broken record, but it's just so awful right now. The only story that Creative (Vince) seems to be invested in telling is whether or not Brock Lesnar will cash in on Seth Rollins and that's amounting to letting Brock dance around the ring like an idiot and then beating Seth within an inch of his life and then saying that's he's going to cash in at Super Showdown. The internal logic of that story is pretty simple, but it's the external logic of it that isn't working, specifically regarding the people on the periphery of the Seth/Brock feud, and that's one area where I actually feel sorry for Baron Corbin. He's been booked to face Seth at Super Showdown and because of the way that Brock tuned Seth up on Monday, he's sure that he's going to be the next Universal champ. Why the hell would Corbin think that if Lesnar is going to cash in that same day? Shouldn't Corbin be more afraid of Brock successfully cashing in on Seth either before their match and him having to face Brock, or more afraid that he'll cash in after the match if Corbin wins? It's just this level of over-complicating the booking that leads to me being stupefied with Corbin's cavalier attitude for the upcoming championship match. He should be more terrified of losing it immediately or having to contend with an already fired-up Lesnar this week.
This all ties back to the micro-managing that Vince has long been suspected of and that was confirmed with Jon Moxley's appearance on Talk is Jericho last week. Yes, this is still the thing that everyone's talking about. Of course the other end of this is that there seems to be no long-term plan for so many others. Stories are inserted and then casually dropped as if there's no real continuity. And nowhere is this displayed more clearly than with the respective stories of Nikki Cross and The Miz.
Over the last few weeks, Nikki has been torn between two forces: Alexa Bliss and Becky Lynch. Alexa has been a friend to her because she's apparently the only one nice to her, and was ready to help her out in the MITB match, but Nikki instead took her place in the match due to Alexa still not being cleared to compete. Then she partnered up with Becky to take on The IIconics in a non-title bout and Becky and Nikki came out on top. Now this week, Alexa and Nikki are back to their friendly ways presumably to take a strong position as a possible tag team competitor for the Women's Tag titles, but that was all entirely thrown away because Alexa ended up going over to Smackdown the next evening to end up winning a triple threat match to determine the next #1 Contender spot to take on Bayley for the Smackdown Women's title. So... what the fuck was the point of all this? Is there some long-term plan for Alexa and Nikki? Is there an angle they're working toward? A few months ago, I might have said that this was just all a big set-up for Alexa to turn on Nikki, but now, I just don't have any faith in their storytelling capabilities in a long-term plan.
As far as The Miz is concerned, why is his feud with Shane seemingly over? He was doing Miz TV with Seth and seemed like he was all happy-go-lucky while Shane was definitely in the building while he was doing all this. I know they're selling Shane vs Roman right now, but still, that's no excuse for ending a feud that didn't end. Is he gearing up for a movie? It's not going to be another MARINE film, because, you know, he died in the last one.
And why are Charlotte and Lacey feuding? What's the goal there?
And then there's the ongoing problem with the divergent paths of Ricochet and Aleister Black. Why bother putting Black on Smackdown when he's not competing? He's not hurt. He's cutting all these pre-taped promos begging anyone to step up to him, and in the meantime, his pal Ricochet is over on Raw having matches every week.
Oh, and what the fuck was that scripted promo that Lars Sullivan gave in the ring where he talks about nightingales and bodily fluids? If Vince thinks that Lars is somehow going to be the next big monster heel, he's wrong. He's circling the bowl and is on his way down. He can beat up minorities all he wants, but it still warms my heart to remember that Aleister Black broke his jaw delivering a Black Mass at that one TakeOver.
I have to admit that for the first time in months, I didn't watch Raw or Smackdown in their entirety this week. I had no interest in the show they're hyping, and the one match I was interested in was the one that felt like the biggest afterthought. But what I did see (thanks to several replays) was more of the same with Shane. This is getting beyond ridiculous now. He's spearing Roman after Drew McIntyre and/or The Revival beat the hell out of him while Graves speaks about how brilliant Shane is and how he owns everyone anyway and how Renee Young should shut up and right now, I just honestly never want to hear Graves again unless he's back down in NXT doing commentary. I could take the shitheel commentary style of JBL (words I'd never ever thought I'd write) easier than Graves because at least, and no disrespect intended to my Southern brethren, I could buy the assholery of JBL being an obstinate grump than Graves. It's even worse with Graves being on both shows. Seriously, they need to step up their commentary team. Get another heel commentator on either Monday or Tuesday. Double doses of Graves aren't doing anyone any favors.
And of course, we have the obligatory pre-event pre-fight promo from Triple H and Randy Orton where they talk about Vince's favorite subject: balls. I know that, especially after Moxley's podcast, all we can think about when a script is being written for these promos, we just hear him saying, "That's the good shit" whenever we get something that is completely idiotic or juvenile. This is who Vince wants to cater to. He doesn't give a flying fuck about the 18-45 demographic; he's after kids who think that poop and genitalia humor is the highest form of comedy or older marks who are living in the afterglow of the Attitude Era who think that men emasculating each other is the only way to sell a big fight. I can only assume testicles are on Vince's mind so often because his have either shrunken to the size of Raisinets thanks to steroid use or are just dangling around his ankles.
And then there was the show.
Guess what? I didn't watch that either! I have no interest in watching people that don't want to perform in a particular place do their best to make it look like they want to. Although it seems like you could say that about virtually any given wrestler in WWE right now. I don't want to make it into a moral issue because it's impossible to do while still supporting the product. I could be one of those people who says, "I'm unsubscribing from the network because they're taking Saudi blood money" when the main reason I keep the network is because of NXT content.
I will say that the only match I watched was Finn vs Andrade for the IC title. Since Finn retained, I'm expecting a rematch out of this so that Zelina Vega can be involved since she's key to Andrade's success and obviously she couldn't even be out as a manager because she's, y'know, a woman (on that note, frankly I'm amazed that Renee Young was allowed to be on commentary). This was a good match, but you could obviously tell that Finn had the painter to a rush job for The Demon since most of the paint was gone by the end of the match. But I honestly believe that the only reason he went was so he could post that Pride photo from a place that is historically infamous for executing or imprisoning people who are LGBTQ. So, good for Finn for posting that picture on Twitter and Instagram, which will probably make him ineligible for future Saudi shows. I'd be almost a little surprised if he's not fined in some way for making Vince look bad. I also enjoyed The Demon's entrance because with all the dark figures grabbing at him seemed like he was trying to queer it up a little and that's always something I enjoy. WWE needs to embrace the queerness, and not shy away from it. If you need proof of an amazing performer who never shies away from queering it up, look no further than Velveteen Dream, which is why I pray every day that Vince doesn't actually call him up.
The rest of the news is based on recaps from the dirt sheets: Local boy Mansoor won the 50-man Battle Royal which was a cool moment and seemingly one of the only ones the crowd really popped for. Seth Rollins defended his title successfully against Baron Corbin, and stopped Brock Lesnar from a cash-in attempt, but sadly the contract is still active so we're going to have more Brock in the future. A ref bump caused Roman Reigns to lose to Shane Fucking McMahon with the help of Drew McIntyre and I'm more than ready for Shane to go away forever. The fact that Shane is the company's top heel is something that should bring great shame to the McMahon family name, if they had even the faintest notion of what shame is. Something happened between Braun Strowman and Bobby Lashley and sadly it wasn't another arm wrestling match. Kofi defeated Dolph Ziggler to retain his title. The Usos defeated The Revival on the pre-show. Randy Orton defeated The King of Kings.
And then there was Goldberg vs The Undertaker.
Look, I know there are dudes that do this for a living that can do this shit well into their fifties. Look at Minoru Suzuki in New Japan. He can still go like a motherfucker and he's in his fifties. But WWE superstars do not age well. And according to literally everything I've read, this match was just tragic to watch. I know that Prince Bin Salman seems to think that it's still the 90's in WWE and he wants to trot out all these old superstars and is willing to pay big money for it. I mean, the whole fucking show was built around these two. But watching either of these guys now is just fucking depressing. And from all accounts, this match was bowling-shoe ugly with a fuckload of botches and Taker getting jackhammered right onto his head. This was a match that everyone knew would suck, likely including Goldberg and Taker, and based on all the backstage rumblings and even Goldberg tweeting out a mea culpa after the show, this was just not anywhere near being a good or even fun match to watch.
So I'm glad I skipped all that shit.
The only things that are working in the way they were designed to work are the Firefly Fun House segments (which, despite some issues I've had with them, are really fun) and, again something else I'm shocked to admit to myself, the 24/7 Championship. This seemed like a horrible thing when it first got introduced, but what's actually made it work is that they've doubled down on the absurdity of it and that's actually helped make it pretty fucking entertaining to see what will happen next. R-Truth has been killing it as far as making this whole gimmick title work. Truth hasn't been much more than a comedy character for a long time now and that's fine. He's staying in his lane. Your mileage in that lane may vary, but for now, I'm shocked that I'm finding the hijinks pretty entertaining.
Now we have Stomping Grounds coming up in a few weeks, and that's already got a series of repeats announced on the card. We're going to have Rollins vs Corbin again, we're going to have Kofi vs Ziggler again, we're going to have Roman vs Drew again, we're going to have Becky vs Lacey again, and the only match that's in the "somewhat new" column is Bayley vs Alexa. This is the real problem with these fucking Saudi shows; WWE should be telling different stories and building up rivalries for actual PPV's instead of a giant gaudy glorified house show. But this is Vince's world, and you exist in it whether you like it or not. Based on the product the main roster has been putting out since Mania, I'm saying I don't like it. And a lot of other people are saying the same thing. Now there's only two weeks to build these matches up, but since most of them are repeats of things we've seen for the last few months, technically they don't need to be built. I'm just wondering what kind of shitty angle Shane is going to end up in. I'm hoping now that he's built up all this "Best in the World" cred, he calls out Aleister Black and Black just comes up to the ring and kicks his fucking head off his shoulders.
As far as NXT and NXT UK are concerned, watching Mia Yim pick up the win in the rubber match between her and Bianca Belair was something of a surprise, but hopefully this means big things will come for Yim who deserves all the success that can she can get. And Keith Lee is just awesome and fun and he has some of the best facial expressions in the business. Across the pond, Travis Banks is going to be the next contender for WALTER's UK Championship, and that should be really interesting to watch. I'm not a huge mark for Banks, but that whole Fatal 4-Way was terrific. So everything was really entertaining about the NXT brands this week, and is the only part of WWE that seems to know what the hell they're doing.
Briefly pivoting to other promotions, I saw the Best of the Super Juniors finale as well as Moxley vs Juice Robinson for the US title over in New Japan, and I'm loving what kind of maniac Mox has turned out to be when untethered by WWE and Will Ospreay is the fucking man. I love watching him so much. That was a great couple hours of TV.
That's it for this installment of the weekly recap! I know that the format keeps bouncing around, and it might bounce even further... might be a podcast soon... but I'll keep you abreast of those happenings! As always, tune in for more happenings from around the pro wrestling world. If I do switch to another format, I'll keep all 10 of you posted!
Until next time, kids...
I know that I've been shitting on the main roster shows for the last several weeks now, and I hate to sound like a broken record, but it's just so awful right now. The only story that Creative (Vince) seems to be invested in telling is whether or not Brock Lesnar will cash in on Seth Rollins and that's amounting to letting Brock dance around the ring like an idiot and then beating Seth within an inch of his life and then saying that's he's going to cash in at Super Showdown. The internal logic of that story is pretty simple, but it's the external logic of it that isn't working, specifically regarding the people on the periphery of the Seth/Brock feud, and that's one area where I actually feel sorry for Baron Corbin. He's been booked to face Seth at Super Showdown and because of the way that Brock tuned Seth up on Monday, he's sure that he's going to be the next Universal champ. Why the hell would Corbin think that if Lesnar is going to cash in that same day? Shouldn't Corbin be more afraid of Brock successfully cashing in on Seth either before their match and him having to face Brock, or more afraid that he'll cash in after the match if Corbin wins? It's just this level of over-complicating the booking that leads to me being stupefied with Corbin's cavalier attitude for the upcoming championship match. He should be more terrified of losing it immediately or having to contend with an already fired-up Lesnar this week.
This all ties back to the micro-managing that Vince has long been suspected of and that was confirmed with Jon Moxley's appearance on Talk is Jericho last week. Yes, this is still the thing that everyone's talking about. Of course the other end of this is that there seems to be no long-term plan for so many others. Stories are inserted and then casually dropped as if there's no real continuity. And nowhere is this displayed more clearly than with the respective stories of Nikki Cross and The Miz.
Over the last few weeks, Nikki has been torn between two forces: Alexa Bliss and Becky Lynch. Alexa has been a friend to her because she's apparently the only one nice to her, and was ready to help her out in the MITB match, but Nikki instead took her place in the match due to Alexa still not being cleared to compete. Then she partnered up with Becky to take on The IIconics in a non-title bout and Becky and Nikki came out on top. Now this week, Alexa and Nikki are back to their friendly ways presumably to take a strong position as a possible tag team competitor for the Women's Tag titles, but that was all entirely thrown away because Alexa ended up going over to Smackdown the next evening to end up winning a triple threat match to determine the next #1 Contender spot to take on Bayley for the Smackdown Women's title. So... what the fuck was the point of all this? Is there some long-term plan for Alexa and Nikki? Is there an angle they're working toward? A few months ago, I might have said that this was just all a big set-up for Alexa to turn on Nikki, but now, I just don't have any faith in their storytelling capabilities in a long-term plan.
As far as The Miz is concerned, why is his feud with Shane seemingly over? He was doing Miz TV with Seth and seemed like he was all happy-go-lucky while Shane was definitely in the building while he was doing all this. I know they're selling Shane vs Roman right now, but still, that's no excuse for ending a feud that didn't end. Is he gearing up for a movie? It's not going to be another MARINE film, because, you know, he died in the last one.
And why are Charlotte and Lacey feuding? What's the goal there?
And then there's the ongoing problem with the divergent paths of Ricochet and Aleister Black. Why bother putting Black on Smackdown when he's not competing? He's not hurt. He's cutting all these pre-taped promos begging anyone to step up to him, and in the meantime, his pal Ricochet is over on Raw having matches every week.
Oh, and what the fuck was that scripted promo that Lars Sullivan gave in the ring where he talks about nightingales and bodily fluids? If Vince thinks that Lars is somehow going to be the next big monster heel, he's wrong. He's circling the bowl and is on his way down. He can beat up minorities all he wants, but it still warms my heart to remember that Aleister Black broke his jaw delivering a Black Mass at that one TakeOver.
I have to admit that for the first time in months, I didn't watch Raw or Smackdown in their entirety this week. I had no interest in the show they're hyping, and the one match I was interested in was the one that felt like the biggest afterthought. But what I did see (thanks to several replays) was more of the same with Shane. This is getting beyond ridiculous now. He's spearing Roman after Drew McIntyre and/or The Revival beat the hell out of him while Graves speaks about how brilliant Shane is and how he owns everyone anyway and how Renee Young should shut up and right now, I just honestly never want to hear Graves again unless he's back down in NXT doing commentary. I could take the shitheel commentary style of JBL (words I'd never ever thought I'd write) easier than Graves because at least, and no disrespect intended to my Southern brethren, I could buy the assholery of JBL being an obstinate grump than Graves. It's even worse with Graves being on both shows. Seriously, they need to step up their commentary team. Get another heel commentator on either Monday or Tuesday. Double doses of Graves aren't doing anyone any favors.
And of course, we have the obligatory pre-event pre-fight promo from Triple H and Randy Orton where they talk about Vince's favorite subject: balls. I know that, especially after Moxley's podcast, all we can think about when a script is being written for these promos, we just hear him saying, "That's the good shit" whenever we get something that is completely idiotic or juvenile. This is who Vince wants to cater to. He doesn't give a flying fuck about the 18-45 demographic; he's after kids who think that poop and genitalia humor is the highest form of comedy or older marks who are living in the afterglow of the Attitude Era who think that men emasculating each other is the only way to sell a big fight. I can only assume testicles are on Vince's mind so often because his have either shrunken to the size of Raisinets thanks to steroid use or are just dangling around his ankles.
And then there was the show.
Guess what? I didn't watch that either! I have no interest in watching people that don't want to perform in a particular place do their best to make it look like they want to. Although it seems like you could say that about virtually any given wrestler in WWE right now. I don't want to make it into a moral issue because it's impossible to do while still supporting the product. I could be one of those people who says, "I'm unsubscribing from the network because they're taking Saudi blood money" when the main reason I keep the network is because of NXT content.
I will say that the only match I watched was Finn vs Andrade for the IC title. Since Finn retained, I'm expecting a rematch out of this so that Zelina Vega can be involved since she's key to Andrade's success and obviously she couldn't even be out as a manager because she's, y'know, a woman (on that note, frankly I'm amazed that Renee Young was allowed to be on commentary). This was a good match, but you could obviously tell that Finn had the painter to a rush job for The Demon since most of the paint was gone by the end of the match. But I honestly believe that the only reason he went was so he could post that Pride photo from a place that is historically infamous for executing or imprisoning people who are LGBTQ. So, good for Finn for posting that picture on Twitter and Instagram, which will probably make him ineligible for future Saudi shows. I'd be almost a little surprised if he's not fined in some way for making Vince look bad. I also enjoyed The Demon's entrance because with all the dark figures grabbing at him seemed like he was trying to queer it up a little and that's always something I enjoy. WWE needs to embrace the queerness, and not shy away from it. If you need proof of an amazing performer who never shies away from queering it up, look no further than Velveteen Dream, which is why I pray every day that Vince doesn't actually call him up.
The rest of the news is based on recaps from the dirt sheets: Local boy Mansoor won the 50-man Battle Royal which was a cool moment and seemingly one of the only ones the crowd really popped for. Seth Rollins defended his title successfully against Baron Corbin, and stopped Brock Lesnar from a cash-in attempt, but sadly the contract is still active so we're going to have more Brock in the future. A ref bump caused Roman Reigns to lose to Shane Fucking McMahon with the help of Drew McIntyre and I'm more than ready for Shane to go away forever. The fact that Shane is the company's top heel is something that should bring great shame to the McMahon family name, if they had even the faintest notion of what shame is. Something happened between Braun Strowman and Bobby Lashley and sadly it wasn't another arm wrestling match. Kofi defeated Dolph Ziggler to retain his title. The Usos defeated The Revival on the pre-show. Randy Orton defeated The King of Kings.
And then there was Goldberg vs The Undertaker.
Look, I know there are dudes that do this for a living that can do this shit well into their fifties. Look at Minoru Suzuki in New Japan. He can still go like a motherfucker and he's in his fifties. But WWE superstars do not age well. And according to literally everything I've read, this match was just tragic to watch. I know that Prince Bin Salman seems to think that it's still the 90's in WWE and he wants to trot out all these old superstars and is willing to pay big money for it. I mean, the whole fucking show was built around these two. But watching either of these guys now is just fucking depressing. And from all accounts, this match was bowling-shoe ugly with a fuckload of botches and Taker getting jackhammered right onto his head. This was a match that everyone knew would suck, likely including Goldberg and Taker, and based on all the backstage rumblings and even Goldberg tweeting out a mea culpa after the show, this was just not anywhere near being a good or even fun match to watch.
So I'm glad I skipped all that shit.
The only things that are working in the way they were designed to work are the Firefly Fun House segments (which, despite some issues I've had with them, are really fun) and, again something else I'm shocked to admit to myself, the 24/7 Championship. This seemed like a horrible thing when it first got introduced, but what's actually made it work is that they've doubled down on the absurdity of it and that's actually helped make it pretty fucking entertaining to see what will happen next. R-Truth has been killing it as far as making this whole gimmick title work. Truth hasn't been much more than a comedy character for a long time now and that's fine. He's staying in his lane. Your mileage in that lane may vary, but for now, I'm shocked that I'm finding the hijinks pretty entertaining.
Now we have Stomping Grounds coming up in a few weeks, and that's already got a series of repeats announced on the card. We're going to have Rollins vs Corbin again, we're going to have Kofi vs Ziggler again, we're going to have Roman vs Drew again, we're going to have Becky vs Lacey again, and the only match that's in the "somewhat new" column is Bayley vs Alexa. This is the real problem with these fucking Saudi shows; WWE should be telling different stories and building up rivalries for actual PPV's instead of a giant gaudy glorified house show. But this is Vince's world, and you exist in it whether you like it or not. Based on the product the main roster has been putting out since Mania, I'm saying I don't like it. And a lot of other people are saying the same thing. Now there's only two weeks to build these matches up, but since most of them are repeats of things we've seen for the last few months, technically they don't need to be built. I'm just wondering what kind of shitty angle Shane is going to end up in. I'm hoping now that he's built up all this "Best in the World" cred, he calls out Aleister Black and Black just comes up to the ring and kicks his fucking head off his shoulders.
As far as NXT and NXT UK are concerned, watching Mia Yim pick up the win in the rubber match between her and Bianca Belair was something of a surprise, but hopefully this means big things will come for Yim who deserves all the success that can she can get. And Keith Lee is just awesome and fun and he has some of the best facial expressions in the business. Across the pond, Travis Banks is going to be the next contender for WALTER's UK Championship, and that should be really interesting to watch. I'm not a huge mark for Banks, but that whole Fatal 4-Way was terrific. So everything was really entertaining about the NXT brands this week, and is the only part of WWE that seems to know what the hell they're doing.
Briefly pivoting to other promotions, I saw the Best of the Super Juniors finale as well as Moxley vs Juice Robinson for the US title over in New Japan, and I'm loving what kind of maniac Mox has turned out to be when untethered by WWE and Will Ospreay is the fucking man. I love watching him so much. That was a great couple hours of TV.
That's it for this installment of the weekly recap! I know that the format keeps bouncing around, and it might bounce even further... might be a podcast soon... but I'll keep you abreast of those happenings! As always, tune in for more happenings from around the pro wrestling world. If I do switch to another format, I'll keep all 10 of you posted!
Until next time, kids...
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