Okay, so I had a really well-written and terrific recap of WWE's Worlds Collide event as well as Halftime Heat. It was filled with cool media that I took when I was present for the first round of Worlds Collide. Why I did not post that is that it took the better part of three hours to put everything together, but for whatever fucking reason, Blogger didn't save the file and I'm not going to rewrite the whole goddamn thing. I know that this isn't the level of professionalism that you've come to expect from Kayfabio, but I'm sorry; I'm just too pissed off.
So we're going to push on with my recaps of Raw and Smackdown Live for this week!
Raw started out with Stephanie McMahon looking to introduce Becky Lynch, but The Man's music hit first, and she was wearing a knee brace to sell the kayfabe injury she received at Royal Rumble. Last week, she left SD refusing to see the medical staff, so that was, in effect, the beginning of the story, and Raw had a confrontation between Becky and Steph where she told Becky that she would have to have her knee examined by medical staff or she was going to be indefinitely suspended. Becky still refused, because of the medical staff not clearing her for her post-Invasion legit injury from Nia Jax, and Steph went through with the suspension, leading Becky to pounce on her. During the scuffle, Steph took a shot at the injured knee, which Becky had to sell up even more. Look, love it or hate it, this is going to be what clears the path for Charlotte to get involved in this match. If you've read my previous columns, you know that my viewpoint is that Charlotte deserves to be in this match and while in a perfect world, it would be Becky v Ronda one-on-one, the main event of Mania is going to need a solid 100% heel, and neither Becky or Ronda are that heel right now. And this will also keep Becky out of competition for a while, ramping up the suspense of whether or not she's even going to be competing. This is going to be one of those occasions where we believe everything is going to go wrong because it's WWE, but they are going to pull this off.
Speaking of, Ronda then had a scheduled match with Liv Morgan, who she defeated decisively in less than a few minutes, and then shot off another one of her word-vomit promos where she first laid into the crowd for booing her, and then offered Sarah Logan a chance to square off with her, which happened pretty much immediately. Logan offered much more of a fight than Liv did, but Rousey still locked in the armbar and Logan tapped. Ruby Riott felt that it was more appropriate to stand by her injured teammates rather than go off against Rousey, and it oddly enough made Rousey seem the heel and Riott the babyface, and this is the real problem with Ronda. Ronda doesn't seem to understand that the only reason that people are hating on her right now is because everyone's so high on Becky. She honestly seems upset and disappointed that she's not getting the pops and cheers that she was not long ago, and it's almost like she doesn't understand it, hence her shoot at the crowd. It wasn't a good look for Ronda, but promos rarely are. It's just that tonight, it seemed particularly bad.
Then, because Smackdown did it, Raw had to do it as well, and we had another Four Corners Tag match for the #1 Contender spot to face Roode and Gable for the Raw Tag titles. This week it was Lucha House Party, The B-Team, The Revival and Heavy Machinery again, because all of the recent NXT call-ups are bouncing between shows for some reason. It felt like we'd seen this match already (mostly because we had), but it was still a decent showcase for how fun Heavy Machinery is, and whether or not The Revival will actually get the rub one of these months. I do have to admit that this match had some fun spots, particularly with Heavy Machinery having some good fun, but also Lince Dorado hit a dropkick/moonsault covering combo that, in any other match, should have picked up the win with a move like that. But with the field eventually cleared, Dash and Dawson ended up hitting The Shatter Machine on Bo Dallas to get the win and the #1 Contender spot. After the great YouTube stream of NXT matches this past Sunday prior to Halftime Heat, we were able to see The Revival doing their best work, and while we rarely ever see that once they get to the main roster, perhaps they'll have some ideas that will help to get themselves over Roode and Gable, and have the fans understand that these guys really are legit.
Then we got another week of sadness as Kurt Angle came out to the ring and seemed to be talking retirement, but he was naturally interrupted by both Baron Corbin and Drew McIntyre. They both cut promos on Kurt about how they each humiliated him and how they're going to get him out of the business on a stretcher rather than a goodbye speech, but Braun Strowman to make the save. Now, of course Strowman's only reason for being out there is because of what McIntyre and Corbin have done to him over the past several months, but he was really out there to get the babyface save, despite having no good reason to want to help Angle. This also set the main event that would be Strowman and Angle tagging vs Drew and Corbin. I don't know why they felt like they had to keep Angle competing; there's really no reason I can understand. He's a hall of famer. He's a legend. And for some ungodly reason, WWE seems to want to drive him into the ground, and it just makes me really sad that they want to send him out on his shield.
Then we got a qualifying match for the Women's Tag championship between the Boss 'N Hug Connection and the slapdash team of Alicia Fox and Nikki Cross. To be honest, I like the idea of Cross and Fox tagging together seeing as how they're both pretty reality-adjacent, and I'd like to see more matches with Fox doing well, but this wasn't one of them. And personally, it was kind of a bummer to see Cross go heel. Whether or not she'll continue to work heel will be the question as she's really gotten over as a face pretty well. The match was almost called off, though, because when the music hit for Sasha and Bayley, they were both brought out by Cross and Fox who had attacked them backstage. It was questionable to whether or not The Hugger and The Boss were going to be able to compete, but Bayley fought the entire match on her own, with Sasha selling her inability to work in the match. Bayley ended up getting a roll-up on Foxy for the win, and bravo for her because it made Bayley seem really strong after both her and Sasha had eaten losses to Ronda last week. I don't know if it's a sure thing that Boss 'N Hug are going to be the first Women's Tag champs, but this certainly makes their best case for it so far. We also got some backstage fallout between Natalya and Dana Brooke as Dana tried to apologize but it seemed like Nattie was ignoring her, so Dana said that she was going to make a match for the next week between the two of them, and once Dana left, it turned out that Nattie was actually listening to her air pods (or whatever those stupid fucking iPhone things are called) and her hair was covering them up. It was kind of funny in an evening that had more funny to come.
But first, we have to get some unfunny out of the way as Elias took on Jeff Jarrett, who also had Road Dogg by his side. I'm still not buying Elias turning heel as a way to sell the fact that he was going to be facing JJ for the third time in the last 8 days, but Elias could still get some near-nuclear heat as he went off on Portland and the crowd, proving that Elias does his best work as a heel. But we're going to get a lot of inexplicable shit on the road to Mania, and none more inexplicable than this match-up. I don't know why WWE is trotting out another pair of old-timers to mix it up with the younglings. It makes sense if it's someone like Undertaker or Kane or Shawn Michaels, but JJ and Dogg aren't exactly legend-level competitors. But this was another clean win for Elias as he hit JJ with Drift Away, but it eventually led to Dogg setting up Elias for a guitar shot from Jeff. So... yay? And please don't come back into the ring, JJ and Road Dogg? I've had it with these fucking comeback tours. And someone on Twitter tonight tried to get into it with me, stating that if it had been Stone Cold or The Rock, I wouldn't be upset. My response was yes, I would be, because once you've achieved legend status, the only reason you come out anymore is to put the kids over. At fucking Crown Jewel, people were subjected to an embarrassment of a match between DX and The Brothers of Destruction; at least I understand those legends getting into it, but Jarrett and Dogg? Nah, man. You can keep 'em. And keep fucking Hogan off my TV as well, please.
Next up was Finn Balor vs Bobby Lashley, or at least, that's what was advertised. Balor was still bandaged up from the beatings he took at the hands of Lesnar and Lashley last week, and of course, Rush came out spouting about how someone like Balor couldn't handle someone the size of Lashley. Lashley unfortunately took the mic and said that Balor wouldn't be facing him for the IC title, but if Finn entertained him enough in a match against Rush, he would consider it. So we got Balor vs Rush, but even that was nearly jeopardized as Lashley hit Balor with some stiff shots before the bell rang. More weird shenanigans took place during the match as Balor went back for his running apron Penalty Kick on Rush, but Lashley grabbed his legs and dragged him out of the ring, which the ref saw. According to all established rules, this interference should have caused a DQ win, but instead, the ref kicked Lashley out and Balor took control, picking up the win over Rush. I would have loved to have seen a match with a healthy Finn and Rush because Rush is pretty fantastic in the ring, and this could have been a really cool match-up. But this will likely lead to additional beatings by Lashley and Rush that will cause Finn to come into their inevitable IC title match less than 100% that will either lead to a loss for Finn that would then eventually lead to a rematch with the Demon King, or just a win and then a Mania rematch for the IC title with the Demon King. Either way, we're getting a Demon King entrance at Mania this year and a title win for Balor followed by what I hope will be a long and fun title reign.
Then came the most bizarre part of the evening that was curious, frustrating, infuriating and outright hilarious when Alexa came out to do her Moment of Bliss with an interview with EC3. Before EC3 could even answer any of Alexa's questions, Nia Jax and Tamina came out to talk about how everyone should be talking about her rather than about anyone else. This was then interrupted again by Dean Ambrose, who cut a hilarious promo on Nia and how she seems to be obsessed with him, and followed up with a faux-interview with EC3, asking questions like, "Where are EC 1 and 2?" and called The Top One Percenter a "mute Chippendale's dancer", and that led to EC3 punching Dean and kicking off EC3's first main roster match. This is the kind of promo that Dean Ambrose should be doing, and not his angry "moral compass" heel bullshit that never worked. He should be wacky and hilarious, even as a heel. The match was incredibly brief and kind of stupid as EC3 picked up the win not with a finisher but a jackknife pin. This whole segment didn't exactly raise the stock of anyone involved with the exception of Ambrose, at least when it comes to his mic work, which he's been a natural at pretty much since day one. Although, this match is likely more evidence that his request for release and it being granted is legit, because there was no reason to have him look this bad in a match. And this really didn't help EC3, who is also a good promo and a solid in-ring competitor. It would have been better to get some local talent and just have EC3 put on a squash. This was just a fucking baffling segment, but at least some good Dean stuff came out of it.
Then we got another really confusing and muddled main event as it came time for Angle and Strowman vs McIntyre and Corbin. Now, I wasn't a fan of this match going in, and I was even less of one coming out because the finish of this match was just flummoxing. Why on Earth would it be illegal for Strowman to attack Corbin even if he's not the legal competitor when every tag match has this happen all the fucking time??? Why was this a thing all of a sudden? It made no goddamn sense and I just had to groan in frustration as the ref called the DQ giving Corbin and Drew the win, but the actual ending was maybe even more bizarre. This match clearly called for Angle to gain some sort of revenge on Corbin and McIntyre, but instead of giving Angle that spot, they gave it to Strowman who chokeslammed both of them onto the steel steps that the heels brought into the ring to punish Kurt. You'd figure that Strowman would lay one of them out and then Angle could hit an Angle Slam on the other, or at least the Ankle Lock, but no. While the story should have logically been about the redemption of Angle, it became about the power of Strowman. It was just so goddamn stupid that I almost couldn't believe it. But of course I could believe it because WWE does many many stupid things, often on a weekly basis. But we keep coming back every week like it's our fucking job. We love to hate it, but we never hate to love it.
Well, enough of Raw. Onto Smackdown (at least for those of us who weren't masochistic enough to watch the State of the Union address)!
As it goes with Raw, sometimes it must also go with Smackdown. The biggest thing in the wrestling world right now is Becky Lynch, and if there's a way they can help to further that story, they're going to do that right off the bat. It's what they did on Raw last night, and that's how they opened Smackdown. But instead of Becky, we got Charlotte being the most conniving version of The Queen there could be. She claims that she should now be the one to face Rousey instead of The Man, so Becky appears in the goddamn crowd (because she's suspended, after all) and still gets into the ring, but Triple H appears to get between them and he calls Becky a coward and that she's faking her injury. Of course, this leads Becky to deck The Game right in his patronizing face. It is really quite impressive the lengths that WWE is going to keep the conversation about Becky going and to really get her to the spot she's in right now. I'm expecting Vince to come out next week and take a bump from Lynch just to really get her over even more. Becky has to realize that she is carrying the entirety of Wrestlemania on her shoulders right now, and this suspension was the right call. I want Becky as far away from the ring as possible for as long as possible to sustain this aura of mystery surrounding the actual match. It's also a smart way to get Charlotte in the match, and it's a smart way to keep the fans invested. I'm not a huge Authority-angle guy, but when it works, it works. And this is fucking working.
Then we get the match I thought we were going to get last week, and that's the tag match between Gallows and Andersen vs Rusev and Nakamura, although the match doesn't really make sense. I know that Nak and Rusev are guys that should be hating one another right now, so to have Nak save Rusev from The Magic Killer isn't really the right call. Why do the heels need to win this match? In fact, if I had been either competitor, I would have let the other team double-team them as much as possible, hit their finisher, and then come in and stomp the living shit out of the downed partner. We have people who hate each other leave their tag partner in essentially a handicap match just to get wrecked, and this would have been a perfect opportunity to do that. But Shin saved Rusev, and a duo of a Kinsasha and the Machka Kick got the heels the win. I don't think that these guys should be working together, but it was an excuse to get Gallows and Andersen on TV, so I'll take it.
Then we got Mustafa Ali going up against Randy Orton, and while I don't agree with the win going to Orton, Ali does have some licks to take before he gets super over with the WWE Universe. But we still got a bunch of what I love to see from Ali; fighting from underneath, hitting amazing Tornado DDT's and coming up just short, and despite his loss, he still looked strong and the match told a story about Ali's confidence and Orton's overconfidence. I could've done with Ali winning only to get the Coquina Clutch from Joe afterwards, rather than watching him taking the RKO so Randy could pick up the win and then having Joe come in and put Orton in the Clutch. That being said, it was a really well-done RKO, and I know that Mustafa will have most of his matches on Smackdown as the underdog babyface, and that's how he should be booked, and I know that he came out like a house on fire as he pinned D-Bry in his first tag against the champ, but we all knew that once it was announced who was in the Elimination Chamber, we were going to get a series of matches between the competitors. As long as Mustafa is there, I'm happy as hell. There are fewer people on the roster who deserve to get over as much as Ali does.
And since we're in Washington, we had to get The New Daniel Bryan out there, and I know that I say it just about every week, but I cannot stress how much I love this version of him. There shouldn't be a world where the guy who's super-passionate about environmental issues, LGBTQ rights, the disenfranchisement of people of color, and the rights of animals is the super-egotistical intellectual-elitist heel champ, but this is the only way that he can say the stuff he actually believes with the passion he does. His promo from a few weeks back about Vince and the Baby Boom generation was an all-timer, and I also love how he's basically just wearing his normal everyday clothes and refuses to slick his hair or even properly groom it so that he looks good for the audience. This is a guy who clearly gives zero fucks and is only using his championship reign to try to save the world. If I could get this Daniel Bryan forever, I'd be a very happy fan. And the belt... the belt is fucking perfect. That might be the first belt I would actually buy from the store. And credit where credit's due to Rowan referencing Galileo and talk about how dangerous Bryan is because he's an original thinker. That's some first-class work from him.
Then came a super-depressing triple tag match between Naomi and Carmella (who had announced they were the final team to go into the Women's Tag championship match as The Fabulous Glow) vs the Iiconics vs Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose. As soon as this match came on, I knew I was going to have to turn it down because I didn't want to hear Graves salivating over Mandy. It just looked bad for everyone; it was filled with sloppy spots, and to top it all off, it gave Rose the pinfall over Naomi... again. Seriously, I know they want to build this feud between Rose and Naomi, but to what end? I know that we keep asking for more women's wrestling, but for fuck's sake, you need to have a good story to back that up with, and this is not it. And what are they feuding toward? There should always be an end goal in mind, and it's not like Naomi and Rose are going to have a grudge match at Mania or something. I'd be shocked if they did something for their feud at any PPV. It's just not good storytelling, and if I can't get invested in the in-ring work (which I can't with anything involving Mandy Rose), then you better give me a good goddamn story or else, I'm tuning out.
Now we have to talk about the other story that seems to be eluding SD is that they have two champs that are inexplicably missing. Asuka, the Smackdown Women's champ has been missing since her defense of the title at Royal Rumble, and R-Truth, who was at the center of the reason that The Good Brothers took on Rusev and Nakamura. I know that Becky/Charlotte/Ronda is the story right now in the Women's division, but Asuka does still exist and beating Becky should be a huge feather in her cap but there's been neither hide nor hair of her to be seen except for a video package, and that's a huge wasted opportunity for WWE to have not capitalized on. R-Truth could have appeared at ringside or came in after the match or something to let us know that he's around and champ.
Then we had what could have been a really decent match between Jeff Hardy and The Planet's Champion, but we all knew how this was going to end. As much as Hardy might have been entertaining to watch once upon a time, he just doesn't have that spark anymore, and every time he goes for a big move, I get scared that he's going to hurt himself again or hurt someone else. That's not a competitor I want to watch. It's not nearly as bad as watching Kurt Angle because at least Hardy still has some good skills, but with Rowan out there, this was ending in a DQ as he pulled Hardy out after hitting the Swanton Bomb an almost getting the win, but at least they provided some misdirection with Joe coming in and getting Bryan in the Coquina Clutch instead the more apparent target of Hardy. But most everyone involved in the Elimination Chamber match came out to have a donnybrook where A.J. Styles would come out as the one standing tall. I, for one, am looking forward to what some of these stars bring to the Elimination Chamber, and and even more looking forward to a good title reign from The New Daniel Bryan.
So that's it for Raw and Smackdown Live this week. Tune in Thursday as I run down this week in NXT!
Until next time, kids...
So we're going to push on with my recaps of Raw and Smackdown Live for this week!
Raw started out with Stephanie McMahon looking to introduce Becky Lynch, but The Man's music hit first, and she was wearing a knee brace to sell the kayfabe injury she received at Royal Rumble. Last week, she left SD refusing to see the medical staff, so that was, in effect, the beginning of the story, and Raw had a confrontation between Becky and Steph where she told Becky that she would have to have her knee examined by medical staff or she was going to be indefinitely suspended. Becky still refused, because of the medical staff not clearing her for her post-Invasion legit injury from Nia Jax, and Steph went through with the suspension, leading Becky to pounce on her. During the scuffle, Steph took a shot at the injured knee, which Becky had to sell up even more. Look, love it or hate it, this is going to be what clears the path for Charlotte to get involved in this match. If you've read my previous columns, you know that my viewpoint is that Charlotte deserves to be in this match and while in a perfect world, it would be Becky v Ronda one-on-one, the main event of Mania is going to need a solid 100% heel, and neither Becky or Ronda are that heel right now. And this will also keep Becky out of competition for a while, ramping up the suspense of whether or not she's even going to be competing. This is going to be one of those occasions where we believe everything is going to go wrong because it's WWE, but they are going to pull this off.
Speaking of, Ronda then had a scheduled match with Liv Morgan, who she defeated decisively in less than a few minutes, and then shot off another one of her word-vomit promos where she first laid into the crowd for booing her, and then offered Sarah Logan a chance to square off with her, which happened pretty much immediately. Logan offered much more of a fight than Liv did, but Rousey still locked in the armbar and Logan tapped. Ruby Riott felt that it was more appropriate to stand by her injured teammates rather than go off against Rousey, and it oddly enough made Rousey seem the heel and Riott the babyface, and this is the real problem with Ronda. Ronda doesn't seem to understand that the only reason that people are hating on her right now is because everyone's so high on Becky. She honestly seems upset and disappointed that she's not getting the pops and cheers that she was not long ago, and it's almost like she doesn't understand it, hence her shoot at the crowd. It wasn't a good look for Ronda, but promos rarely are. It's just that tonight, it seemed particularly bad.
Then, because Smackdown did it, Raw had to do it as well, and we had another Four Corners Tag match for the #1 Contender spot to face Roode and Gable for the Raw Tag titles. This week it was Lucha House Party, The B-Team, The Revival and Heavy Machinery again, because all of the recent NXT call-ups are bouncing between shows for some reason. It felt like we'd seen this match already (mostly because we had), but it was still a decent showcase for how fun Heavy Machinery is, and whether or not The Revival will actually get the rub one of these months. I do have to admit that this match had some fun spots, particularly with Heavy Machinery having some good fun, but also Lince Dorado hit a dropkick/moonsault covering combo that, in any other match, should have picked up the win with a move like that. But with the field eventually cleared, Dash and Dawson ended up hitting The Shatter Machine on Bo Dallas to get the win and the #1 Contender spot. After the great YouTube stream of NXT matches this past Sunday prior to Halftime Heat, we were able to see The Revival doing their best work, and while we rarely ever see that once they get to the main roster, perhaps they'll have some ideas that will help to get themselves over Roode and Gable, and have the fans understand that these guys really are legit.
Then we got another week of sadness as Kurt Angle came out to the ring and seemed to be talking retirement, but he was naturally interrupted by both Baron Corbin and Drew McIntyre. They both cut promos on Kurt about how they each humiliated him and how they're going to get him out of the business on a stretcher rather than a goodbye speech, but Braun Strowman to make the save. Now, of course Strowman's only reason for being out there is because of what McIntyre and Corbin have done to him over the past several months, but he was really out there to get the babyface save, despite having no good reason to want to help Angle. This also set the main event that would be Strowman and Angle tagging vs Drew and Corbin. I don't know why they felt like they had to keep Angle competing; there's really no reason I can understand. He's a hall of famer. He's a legend. And for some ungodly reason, WWE seems to want to drive him into the ground, and it just makes me really sad that they want to send him out on his shield.
Then we got a qualifying match for the Women's Tag championship between the Boss 'N Hug Connection and the slapdash team of Alicia Fox and Nikki Cross. To be honest, I like the idea of Cross and Fox tagging together seeing as how they're both pretty reality-adjacent, and I'd like to see more matches with Fox doing well, but this wasn't one of them. And personally, it was kind of a bummer to see Cross go heel. Whether or not she'll continue to work heel will be the question as she's really gotten over as a face pretty well. The match was almost called off, though, because when the music hit for Sasha and Bayley, they were both brought out by Cross and Fox who had attacked them backstage. It was questionable to whether or not The Hugger and The Boss were going to be able to compete, but Bayley fought the entire match on her own, with Sasha selling her inability to work in the match. Bayley ended up getting a roll-up on Foxy for the win, and bravo for her because it made Bayley seem really strong after both her and Sasha had eaten losses to Ronda last week. I don't know if it's a sure thing that Boss 'N Hug are going to be the first Women's Tag champs, but this certainly makes their best case for it so far. We also got some backstage fallout between Natalya and Dana Brooke as Dana tried to apologize but it seemed like Nattie was ignoring her, so Dana said that she was going to make a match for the next week between the two of them, and once Dana left, it turned out that Nattie was actually listening to her air pods (or whatever those stupid fucking iPhone things are called) and her hair was covering them up. It was kind of funny in an evening that had more funny to come.
But first, we have to get some unfunny out of the way as Elias took on Jeff Jarrett, who also had Road Dogg by his side. I'm still not buying Elias turning heel as a way to sell the fact that he was going to be facing JJ for the third time in the last 8 days, but Elias could still get some near-nuclear heat as he went off on Portland and the crowd, proving that Elias does his best work as a heel. But we're going to get a lot of inexplicable shit on the road to Mania, and none more inexplicable than this match-up. I don't know why WWE is trotting out another pair of old-timers to mix it up with the younglings. It makes sense if it's someone like Undertaker or Kane or Shawn Michaels, but JJ and Dogg aren't exactly legend-level competitors. But this was another clean win for Elias as he hit JJ with Drift Away, but it eventually led to Dogg setting up Elias for a guitar shot from Jeff. So... yay? And please don't come back into the ring, JJ and Road Dogg? I've had it with these fucking comeback tours. And someone on Twitter tonight tried to get into it with me, stating that if it had been Stone Cold or The Rock, I wouldn't be upset. My response was yes, I would be, because once you've achieved legend status, the only reason you come out anymore is to put the kids over. At fucking Crown Jewel, people were subjected to an embarrassment of a match between DX and The Brothers of Destruction; at least I understand those legends getting into it, but Jarrett and Dogg? Nah, man. You can keep 'em. And keep fucking Hogan off my TV as well, please.
Next up was Finn Balor vs Bobby Lashley, or at least, that's what was advertised. Balor was still bandaged up from the beatings he took at the hands of Lesnar and Lashley last week, and of course, Rush came out spouting about how someone like Balor couldn't handle someone the size of Lashley. Lashley unfortunately took the mic and said that Balor wouldn't be facing him for the IC title, but if Finn entertained him enough in a match against Rush, he would consider it. So we got Balor vs Rush, but even that was nearly jeopardized as Lashley hit Balor with some stiff shots before the bell rang. More weird shenanigans took place during the match as Balor went back for his running apron Penalty Kick on Rush, but Lashley grabbed his legs and dragged him out of the ring, which the ref saw. According to all established rules, this interference should have caused a DQ win, but instead, the ref kicked Lashley out and Balor took control, picking up the win over Rush. I would have loved to have seen a match with a healthy Finn and Rush because Rush is pretty fantastic in the ring, and this could have been a really cool match-up. But this will likely lead to additional beatings by Lashley and Rush that will cause Finn to come into their inevitable IC title match less than 100% that will either lead to a loss for Finn that would then eventually lead to a rematch with the Demon King, or just a win and then a Mania rematch for the IC title with the Demon King. Either way, we're getting a Demon King entrance at Mania this year and a title win for Balor followed by what I hope will be a long and fun title reign.
Then came the most bizarre part of the evening that was curious, frustrating, infuriating and outright hilarious when Alexa came out to do her Moment of Bliss with an interview with EC3. Before EC3 could even answer any of Alexa's questions, Nia Jax and Tamina came out to talk about how everyone should be talking about her rather than about anyone else. This was then interrupted again by Dean Ambrose, who cut a hilarious promo on Nia and how she seems to be obsessed with him, and followed up with a faux-interview with EC3, asking questions like, "Where are EC 1 and 2?" and called The Top One Percenter a "mute Chippendale's dancer", and that led to EC3 punching Dean and kicking off EC3's first main roster match. This is the kind of promo that Dean Ambrose should be doing, and not his angry "moral compass" heel bullshit that never worked. He should be wacky and hilarious, even as a heel. The match was incredibly brief and kind of stupid as EC3 picked up the win not with a finisher but a jackknife pin. This whole segment didn't exactly raise the stock of anyone involved with the exception of Ambrose, at least when it comes to his mic work, which he's been a natural at pretty much since day one. Although, this match is likely more evidence that his request for release and it being granted is legit, because there was no reason to have him look this bad in a match. And this really didn't help EC3, who is also a good promo and a solid in-ring competitor. It would have been better to get some local talent and just have EC3 put on a squash. This was just a fucking baffling segment, but at least some good Dean stuff came out of it.
Then we got another really confusing and muddled main event as it came time for Angle and Strowman vs McIntyre and Corbin. Now, I wasn't a fan of this match going in, and I was even less of one coming out because the finish of this match was just flummoxing. Why on Earth would it be illegal for Strowman to attack Corbin even if he's not the legal competitor when every tag match has this happen all the fucking time??? Why was this a thing all of a sudden? It made no goddamn sense and I just had to groan in frustration as the ref called the DQ giving Corbin and Drew the win, but the actual ending was maybe even more bizarre. This match clearly called for Angle to gain some sort of revenge on Corbin and McIntyre, but instead of giving Angle that spot, they gave it to Strowman who chokeslammed both of them onto the steel steps that the heels brought into the ring to punish Kurt. You'd figure that Strowman would lay one of them out and then Angle could hit an Angle Slam on the other, or at least the Ankle Lock, but no. While the story should have logically been about the redemption of Angle, it became about the power of Strowman. It was just so goddamn stupid that I almost couldn't believe it. But of course I could believe it because WWE does many many stupid things, often on a weekly basis. But we keep coming back every week like it's our fucking job. We love to hate it, but we never hate to love it.
Well, enough of Raw. Onto Smackdown (at least for those of us who weren't masochistic enough to watch the State of the Union address)!
As it goes with Raw, sometimes it must also go with Smackdown. The biggest thing in the wrestling world right now is Becky Lynch, and if there's a way they can help to further that story, they're going to do that right off the bat. It's what they did on Raw last night, and that's how they opened Smackdown. But instead of Becky, we got Charlotte being the most conniving version of The Queen there could be. She claims that she should now be the one to face Rousey instead of The Man, so Becky appears in the goddamn crowd (because she's suspended, after all) and still gets into the ring, but Triple H appears to get between them and he calls Becky a coward and that she's faking her injury. Of course, this leads Becky to deck The Game right in his patronizing face. It is really quite impressive the lengths that WWE is going to keep the conversation about Becky going and to really get her to the spot she's in right now. I'm expecting Vince to come out next week and take a bump from Lynch just to really get her over even more. Becky has to realize that she is carrying the entirety of Wrestlemania on her shoulders right now, and this suspension was the right call. I want Becky as far away from the ring as possible for as long as possible to sustain this aura of mystery surrounding the actual match. It's also a smart way to get Charlotte in the match, and it's a smart way to keep the fans invested. I'm not a huge Authority-angle guy, but when it works, it works. And this is fucking working.
Then we get the match I thought we were going to get last week, and that's the tag match between Gallows and Andersen vs Rusev and Nakamura, although the match doesn't really make sense. I know that Nak and Rusev are guys that should be hating one another right now, so to have Nak save Rusev from The Magic Killer isn't really the right call. Why do the heels need to win this match? In fact, if I had been either competitor, I would have let the other team double-team them as much as possible, hit their finisher, and then come in and stomp the living shit out of the downed partner. We have people who hate each other leave their tag partner in essentially a handicap match just to get wrecked, and this would have been a perfect opportunity to do that. But Shin saved Rusev, and a duo of a Kinsasha and the Machka Kick got the heels the win. I don't think that these guys should be working together, but it was an excuse to get Gallows and Andersen on TV, so I'll take it.
Then we got Mustafa Ali going up against Randy Orton, and while I don't agree with the win going to Orton, Ali does have some licks to take before he gets super over with the WWE Universe. But we still got a bunch of what I love to see from Ali; fighting from underneath, hitting amazing Tornado DDT's and coming up just short, and despite his loss, he still looked strong and the match told a story about Ali's confidence and Orton's overconfidence. I could've done with Ali winning only to get the Coquina Clutch from Joe afterwards, rather than watching him taking the RKO so Randy could pick up the win and then having Joe come in and put Orton in the Clutch. That being said, it was a really well-done RKO, and I know that Mustafa will have most of his matches on Smackdown as the underdog babyface, and that's how he should be booked, and I know that he came out like a house on fire as he pinned D-Bry in his first tag against the champ, but we all knew that once it was announced who was in the Elimination Chamber, we were going to get a series of matches between the competitors. As long as Mustafa is there, I'm happy as hell. There are fewer people on the roster who deserve to get over as much as Ali does.
And since we're in Washington, we had to get The New Daniel Bryan out there, and I know that I say it just about every week, but I cannot stress how much I love this version of him. There shouldn't be a world where the guy who's super-passionate about environmental issues, LGBTQ rights, the disenfranchisement of people of color, and the rights of animals is the super-egotistical intellectual-elitist heel champ, but this is the only way that he can say the stuff he actually believes with the passion he does. His promo from a few weeks back about Vince and the Baby Boom generation was an all-timer, and I also love how he's basically just wearing his normal everyday clothes and refuses to slick his hair or even properly groom it so that he looks good for the audience. This is a guy who clearly gives zero fucks and is only using his championship reign to try to save the world. If I could get this Daniel Bryan forever, I'd be a very happy fan. And the belt... the belt is fucking perfect. That might be the first belt I would actually buy from the store. And credit where credit's due to Rowan referencing Galileo and talk about how dangerous Bryan is because he's an original thinker. That's some first-class work from him.
Then came a super-depressing triple tag match between Naomi and Carmella (who had announced they were the final team to go into the Women's Tag championship match as The Fabulous Glow) vs the Iiconics vs Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose. As soon as this match came on, I knew I was going to have to turn it down because I didn't want to hear Graves salivating over Mandy. It just looked bad for everyone; it was filled with sloppy spots, and to top it all off, it gave Rose the pinfall over Naomi... again. Seriously, I know they want to build this feud between Rose and Naomi, but to what end? I know that we keep asking for more women's wrestling, but for fuck's sake, you need to have a good story to back that up with, and this is not it. And what are they feuding toward? There should always be an end goal in mind, and it's not like Naomi and Rose are going to have a grudge match at Mania or something. I'd be shocked if they did something for their feud at any PPV. It's just not good storytelling, and if I can't get invested in the in-ring work (which I can't with anything involving Mandy Rose), then you better give me a good goddamn story or else, I'm tuning out.
Now we have to talk about the other story that seems to be eluding SD is that they have two champs that are inexplicably missing. Asuka, the Smackdown Women's champ has been missing since her defense of the title at Royal Rumble, and R-Truth, who was at the center of the reason that The Good Brothers took on Rusev and Nakamura. I know that Becky/Charlotte/Ronda is the story right now in the Women's division, but Asuka does still exist and beating Becky should be a huge feather in her cap but there's been neither hide nor hair of her to be seen except for a video package, and that's a huge wasted opportunity for WWE to have not capitalized on. R-Truth could have appeared at ringside or came in after the match or something to let us know that he's around and champ.
Then we had what could have been a really decent match between Jeff Hardy and The Planet's Champion, but we all knew how this was going to end. As much as Hardy might have been entertaining to watch once upon a time, he just doesn't have that spark anymore, and every time he goes for a big move, I get scared that he's going to hurt himself again or hurt someone else. That's not a competitor I want to watch. It's not nearly as bad as watching Kurt Angle because at least Hardy still has some good skills, but with Rowan out there, this was ending in a DQ as he pulled Hardy out after hitting the Swanton Bomb an almost getting the win, but at least they provided some misdirection with Joe coming in and getting Bryan in the Coquina Clutch instead the more apparent target of Hardy. But most everyone involved in the Elimination Chamber match came out to have a donnybrook where A.J. Styles would come out as the one standing tall. I, for one, am looking forward to what some of these stars bring to the Elimination Chamber, and and even more looking forward to a good title reign from The New Daniel Bryan.
So that's it for Raw and Smackdown Live this week. Tune in Thursday as I run down this week in NXT!
Until next time, kids...
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