For the last month, the McMahons have been pedaling the notion that Raw, which had suffered from plummeting ratings and a profoundly negative reception for the previous weeks, would start listening to the fans and would start freshening things up on Raw. This notion has been met with understandable skepticism from the fans; some things were new, but for the most part, the show had kept within the status quo.
This week was definitely different. In many ways, it was the "bad" kind of different, some ways were the "same" kind of different, but in other ways, it was the "great" kind of different. So let's try to sort through this fascinating episode from the beginning, shall we?
The show started with Vince pulling up in a limo, fussing about smudges on the paint job, and cut to Braun cutting a promo from the ring, talking about how Brock was gonna get these hands, yadda yadda yadda, Baron Corbin saved Lesnar from Strowman at WWE Crown Jewel, the name of which changed to WWE World Cup for reasons all too apparent, and then Corbin came out to a chorus of boos as per usual, and said that Braun couldn't beat Brock before and he won't beat him again, but Corbin would win the Rumble and he would beat Brock for the Universal Title. Braun gave Corbin chase, and in a hilarious bit, Elias sang a song about how Corbin was hiding in aforementioned limo, which Braun proceeded to smash in a window of and rip one of the doors off its hinges, and as Corbin escaped, Vince saw what was done to his limo, and decided to fine Braun $100K. Braun retorted with a crack about the car not being worth that, so Vince decided to punish Braun further by removing him from the Universal title match at the Rumble. Then Braun decided to overturn the limo. It was basically old hat, but it didn't get Braun over in the way I think was intended. He was defiant, and he turned over a car, but this wasn't anything we hadn't seen before. I think that it seemed clear that Strowman was still recovering from his elbow surgery, but the prevailing theory is that Vince and Lesnar didn't want another match with Strowman and wanted to kayfabe Braun out of the match, so the question that would remain for the rest of the show would be who, then, would face Lesnar at the Rumble?
Then we got a tag match with Ronda Rousey with Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax and Tamina. I really hate being that person, but the more I watch Nia closely, the more I think she should be shipped back to developmental. There's a reason she's gained the wrong kind of notoriety as a supposedly unsafe worker, and some of her matches lately have seemed stiff as hell, and when she's working with other competitors who move so smoothly, Nia's work seems that much more glaringly poor. But Banks and Ronda really did their level best to make this match work, and it finished with Sasha putting the Bank Statement on Tamina. But of course, the drama didn't end there as they did an in-ring post-match interview where Rousey said she was going to be proud to beat Sasha at the Rumble. This escalated into a weird war of words where Sasha rightly got pissed off at Ronda's assumptions that she would win, but Rousey kept backpedaling to try to keep the babyface on her, which just got fucking weird in the sense that she should be okay with telling Sasha that she's going to beat her rather than trying to be polite about it. It was just a really messy promo that continued backstage, and both Bayley and Natalya came to their respective friends' sides when The Riott Squad came to drum up some more drama with the babyfaces by stating that since they couldn't get along, the Squad would have no trouble beating them, and told Bayley and Nattie to find a friend so they could compete in a 3-on-3 again.
Then things got even weirder when the Lucha House Party took on The Revival in another match. Dash and Dawson were still understandably upset about their schmozzed-up loss last week, and were determined to take their frustrations out on LHP. During the match, though, they went picture-in-picture to a backstage segment showing all the competitors lining up outside Vince's office to make their case for taking on Brock at the Rumble. People like Curt Hawkins (who has a very funny video up on YouTube with Zack Ryder which you should look up), Apollo Crews, Slater and Rhyno, and the B-Team and a single glance at EC3. Is this how they're introducing EC3 to the main roster? I fucking hope not. Anyway, this was a clear demonstration that Raw didn't really have much faith that the match we were supposed to be watching was going to hold our interest, and that pissed me off, because it should. As I've stated, I really dig The Revival, and this should have been a showcase for them, but rather than it being all about the match, it was all about the finish. Dawson countered Gran Metalik and hit a DDT but when Metalik was in the cover, he put his foot on the rope and Dash knocked it off and The Revival got the win. This didn't seem like a victory or a loss for anyone. This seemed like it should have been a 2-minute match with the same ending rather than what we got. It didn't really do anything to further the story of the redemption of The Revival and it certainly didn't do anything to hype up their tag title match at the Rumble. This was a real shit-show for everyone involved.
Then we got to the meat of the evening (pun intended) when Vince came out to discuss who would face Lesnar at the Rumble. He rambled on for about a minute until John Cena's music hit and he came out with purpose. And Cena spouted the same stuff he always does about how he's bled and scraped and clawed for WWE and that he still has the ruthless aggression to take on Lesnar. Then Drew McIntyre came out and called bullshit on Cena. Then Corbin came out and insisted that since Strowman attacked him, he might get a lawyer or he should just face Lesnar.
Then things got very interesting.
Finn Balor came out and said that he doesn't understand why he's always being left out of these types of conversations, and of course, he has a fair point; this was the guy who was supposed to be the face of the company when he came out of NXT and became the first Universal Champion, but since his fateful injury and his long recovery time, he's been left behind at almost every moment. He's gotten some shots at the IC title, but always came up short, and has been left as a utility player when Vince wants a good crowd pop. Vince then directed Finn to look around the ring at the raw strength (or "Beef" as Vince insisted on calling it) that was on display, and felt that Finn didn't have what it took. Finn then shot back at Vince, saying that he knows Vince never believed in him, and that his actions would speak louder than his words and started tussling with Corbin. Drew ended up with the upper hand laying out both Cena and Balor with the Claymore, and we suddenly had a fatal 4-way as the main event between these competitors.
Then we got a segment where Jinder Mahal used a lot of ass-kissing to try to finagle his way into the fatal 4-way since he lost the title to A.J. right before Survivor Series 2017 and didn't get to face Brock. So Vince gave him Balor to fight if he wanted a spot.
Then we got the 3-on-3 women's tag match between the Riott Squad vs Bayley and Natalya and mystery competitor. So who would join them? Naturally, I thought it was going to be Ember Moon, the only other babyface in the Raw women's division, but it turned out to be none other than Nikki Cross. Look, I'm a mark. I'm a huge sucker for surprises, and this one delighted me to no end. I loved watching Nikki bring her maximum insanity to a main roster show, and while she had already kind of debuted on Smackdown against Becky, this was just an altogether different experience to see her with tag with the babyfaces. Her energy really drove this match forward as she helped Bayley pick up the win by hitting The Purge while Liv Morgan's legs were draped on the top rope while Bayley hit the Macho Man Elbow from the top turnbuckle for the win. Now, Michael Cole did announce that Nikki wouldn't necessarily be a permanent fixture on Raw, and that the NXT call-ups were likely going to bounce between shows until they found a home. That actually makes the call-ups more interesting because we're still not sure where they'll end up, so I liked that idea a lot. Otherwise, this was a fun match and it showed off a moderately cleaned-up (more TV ready, I should say) version of Nikki that is still really entertaining to watch.
After this match came the Mahal/Balor bout that would decide who would go to the main event, which before we got into the match, we saw a brief glimpse of Lacey Evans, which was as unremarkable as EC3's, for lack of a better term, cameo. It started during Balor's entrance where Samir Singh distracted Balor while Jinder slammed him into the barricade and then drove him chest-first into the ring apron a few times, and this was all before the bell rang. Once the match started, Mahal was all over Balor, not giving him any reprieve. But Balor would eventually make his way back and end the match with the shotgun dropkick and the Coup de Grace. Again, this wasn't a perfect match, but this was all about building Balor as the Cinderella story he needed to go into the fatal 4-way.
Let's take a few moments to talk about the Extraordinary Man who can do Extraordinary Things. So there's been a lot of chatter over the past few weeks about the push that Balor seems to be getting. Not that people have necessarily been saying that it's undeserved, but it has raised eyebrows and forced people to look once more at the leader of Balor Club. The prevailing theory that has really kicked into gear over the past week among the dirt sheets is that since Balor was once perceived to be WWE's golden boy after his record-setting run as NXT champ and being the first Universal champ, he's been underused and mostly ignored and being kept out of the title picture, he might be pretty bummed out about that, and he might be looking to go somewhere else, and right now, all roads outside WWE seem to be leading to All Elite Wrestling. Obviously, the former Real Rock'n'Rolla has some history with the guys creating that brand, and AEW is offering WWE money plus a lot more creative freedom, and having Cody, the Young Bucks, and Chris Jericho officially defecting from WWE (causing Jericho's image in the pre-show "Then, Now, Forever" banner to be removed), AEW is going to have a lot of eyes on it, and someone who has been as creative as Balor has been over the years would seem to be a perfect fit for a fledgling promotion like AEW, so it seems to make sense that Vince would want to keep a solid competitor (and merch seller) like Balor around. So, the things that happened on this episode and over the past weeks could be an indicator that Vince finally sees the things that we see in Finn.
Now we need to talk about the triple-threat IC title match between champ Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins vs Bobby Lashley. This whole match was just a lot of surprisingly solid storytelling and in-ring action. It showed that Dean and Seth can still think alike as they tried to take Lashley out. This caused Lio Rush to get involved and that really worked to everyone's advantage, and say what you want about how annoying Lio is (considering his job essentially is to be annoying), his physical skill and speed are something else, and it's always a blast watching him scurry away from a potential assault. Of course things would break down between Dean and Seth, and the beneficiary of that discord would be Lashley who stopped Seth from hitting the Stomp on Dean by hitting him with a spear for the win and Bobby Fucking Lashley became the new Intercontinental Champion. And those are words I didn't ever think I'd write. This seems to be an all-around shocker of a title change, but it really does make sense. As I've pointed out several times, Dean's title run has been just as much of a garbage fire as when he burned his Shield vest. He didn't work to make it important, and it's only made his shitty forced heel turn that much worse. Seth doesn't need this title, because he already worked his ass off to make it important, and once he dropped it, it meant he could focus on going after the Universal title. Lashley will likely have a relatively brief run with the title, but he and Rush could very likely make it more interesting than what Dean has done with it. But what I also believe was a factor was the crowd reaction to Seth and Dean's TLC match, which was... not great to put it mildly. But when assholes started the "This is boring" chants, unfortunately that made Vince pay attention in all the wrong ways, and this could be the continuing fallout from that reaction.
So we transitioned then from a pretty high high, to a really low low. After the commercial break, we were going to get another Moment of Bliss with Paul Heyman as guest, but right before the break, we had Alexa's production assistant come into her dressing room to deliver her cup of coffee (that she demanded last week), but when he got back there, Alexa had not yet put her top on and had to quickly cover up. And this of course became another IWC clusterfuck on Twitter as those who were offended by the objectification of Lexi were suddenly a bunch of babies who claim to want more "mature" storytelling on the main roster, but when we get it, we all get "triggered" and we're a bunch of "snowflakes". What people don't seem to understand, though, is that this isn't "mature" storytelling. It doesn't tell a story at all; it's pure titillation, and it has Vince's fingerprints all over it. I don't know why Vince or anyone in Creative would think that this was a good idea at all. Over the course of the last few weeks on the main roster, we've had the stupid Mandy Rose bathrobe shit with Naomi and Jimmy Uso, and now this. It's another example of objectification and it's just fucking stupid. Anyway, during this segment, the reveal was finally made of the Women's Tag Titles, and announced that the match for the titles would occur at the Elimination Chamber PPV. Then Alexa talked to Heyman who started to put over Drew McIntyre as the only really legitimate competitor in the fatal 4-way, but this segment was interrupted by a very bizarre moment where Otis Dozovic of Heavy Machinery came out and stared at the Women's Tag titles and made a series of incoherent noises until Tucker Knight came out to grab his partner and took him backstage and the segment ended. I get that the point of this was to introduce the really cool-looking Women's Tag belts, and also for Heyman to put McIntyre over, but everything else that happened was either gross or stupid or both. I know that Heavy Machinery are going to be largely a comedy act but this was just a really awful way to introduce them to the main roster. They're great in the ring, they're a lot of fun and they deserved better.
But then we got the fatal 4-way, and this was just fantastic. It was booked right from every aspect. It had our babyfaces taking on the heels and a lot of really great false finishes that really amped up the drama of the match, but this was the night where Vince decided to hit the reboot button on the push of Finn Balor. This show, while nowhere near as good as his main roster debut back in 2016 before Summerslam, it was very similar. This matched finished with Finn getting the win on Cena, keeping Drew safe from having to eat the pin, and Cena getting to put Finn over not over in the match itself, but also post-match as Cena grabbed a mic and declared himself a believer in Balor. It was a nice moment from the 16-time champ as it really got Balor to the point that he was once at when he first came to the main roster. Also it was fun to have Balor get the pin on Cena after Cena was the one who eliminated Balor at last year's Rumble. As readers of my previous posts will know, I've made no secret of my love of Balor. My wife and I are going to be attending the Royal Rumble Axxess event on Saturday and have paid for the Ultimate VIP package (or whatever they're calling it) to get some time to have a photo taken with Balor. To be fair, this is more my wife's thing than mine since Balor is her "hall pass", but he's probably also mine considering my bi-curious tendencies. But Balor has been a favorite in this household since his NXT days, and since I'm officially subscribed to New Japan's "streaming" service, I fully intend to find more of his matches there as well. As it stands, Finn is facing Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble for the Universal title, and if Creative has a brain in their fucking heads, they will have Heyman cut a promo about how Finn isn't ready for the Beast and The Demon King comes out to confront Heyman, confirming it will be The Demon King vs The Beast Incarnate. That's printing money right there. I cannot fucking wait. And hopefully, there will be some better builds to the Rumble on the go-home next week.
Now, onto Smackdown!
Well, before I get too far into it, I do need to say that this has been arguably the weirdest fucking week of WWE programming I've ever seen. Just so many oddities occurring either backstage, in the ring, or elsewhere. Some of it has worked, a lot of it hasn't, and all of it has just been bizarre.
Okay, so we opened with The Man getting out of her car, tossing the keys to Kayla Braxton as if she's the valet, and then walking up to The New Day hanging out with Heavy Machinery where Otis is putting pancakes, shelled eggs and some kind of packet of meat (I'm thinking it was tuna?) into a blender to drink from it. Becky strides up, takes a sip and simply states, "A little weak" for a tremendous laugh from me, and then hits the stage to cut a promo about how Asuka had dropped off the radar while she was making worldwide news. Then Asuka comes out to tell Becky that Becky is all buzz but with no sting. Let's take a moment to talk about Asuka and the "What?" chants. First of all, the "What?" chant is arguably the worst thing that has been a leftover from the Attitude Era. It sucks and I hate it, even when it's a heel. But with Asuka, it's entirely different. I know that we love Becky, but our love of The Man shouldn't come at the cost of Asuka. And I'd like to see any average American go to another country after 20 + years and see how long it takes them to speak that country's language. So fuck you and your "What" chants to someone whose second language is English. And what's worse about that is that level of stupidity and ignorance is unfortunately something that Vince listens to. So just stop. Okay, getting off my soapbox now, but expect more of it in this column this week. As Becky and Asuka are facing off in the ring, the Iiconics come out and start to tear down the champ and The Man and say a bunch of painfully stupid shit, and you think that we're getting another heel team tagging against the champ and their upcoming opponent like we see all the time, and saw last night with Ronda and Sasha teaming together. But they smartly opted for something different. Becky, still in her street clothes, challenged Peyton Royce to a one-on-one, and it went on for much longer than it should have. Becky eventually locked in the Dis-Arm-Her and got the submission win, and at one point during the match, Lacey Evans was shown backstage watching the match like she was scouting. Then Asuka got up in the ring, and beckoned Billie Kay for a match. Billie tried to head out, but Asuka grabbed her and pulled her in the ring and the match was made instantly (which I didn't know that they could do that in kayfabe, but whatever), and within a little over a minute, the Empress locked in the Asuka Lock and got her own submission win. It made more sense from a booking standpoint to do the "anything you can do, I can do better" from the champ, but both of the matches should have been squashes. It doesn't hurt the Iiconics because they're a tag team and not singles competitors, but the prolonged match that Becky had didn't help her.
And then the weirdness continued as just when it looked like Becky and Asuka were about to get into it, A.J. Styles' music hit and he came out into the arena and walked out and it went to commercial, which didn't make sense at all. But after the commercial, we got A.J. cutting the inverse of Daniel Bryan's promo last week where he was applauding the fans for spending their hard-earned money on hot dogs and merch. But disguised in a hoodie, Bryan came out from the crowd and attacked A.J., but Styles ended up putting Bryan through a table covered in hot dogs and condiments. Soon after that, on Twitter, Bryan posted a few things about how hot dogs are really made using some PETA videos, and again, since he's vegan and really does believe in this stuff, he gets to put this stuff out there as a heel. I wasn't a huge fan of the segment, but I loved what Bryan continues to do by increasing awareness about the things he's passionate about in reality and working it into kayfabe.
And then the show got worse before it could get better, because Jimmy got what seemed to be a gift from Naomi, but it was of course from Mandy Rose, and it contained her hotel key. Jey asked Jimmy what he was going to do, and Jimmy replied that he didn't know. Then it cut to Mandy and Sonya with Mandy telling Sonya that this is all just a tactic to get Naomi so mad that it will destroy her marriage to Jimmy. This bullshit makes no sense, and it's playing straight into the Vince trope that a woman's only real worth is her sexual attractiveness, but this gets worse. More on this later.
Then we got what was supposed to be a match between Samoa Joe and Mustafa Ali, but before the bell rang, Joe fucking demolished Ali by whipping him into not one but two ring posts and a few barricades. He went backstage after the match was called off and cut another great promo about how he was going to treat all the superstars at the Rumble match the same way. Personally, I was bummed to not see Ali compete, but I'm here all day for a Mustafa/Joe rivalry.
Then we got what should be another early contender for Match of the Year (after Dunne vs Coffey at Takeover Blackpool) as Andrade (yes, apparently the "Cien" Almas is being dropped) took on Rey Mysterio in a singles match, and holy fucking shit, was this match off the chain. We saw moves that I don't even know if there are names for and every single one of them seemed to be worthy of a gif. We got another Canadian Destroyer, a Crucifix Bomb, a takedown 'rana from the apron, and so much more. Ultimately, Zelina Vega caused the distraction that allowed Andrade to crotch Rey on the top rope, and he hit the Hammerlock DDT from the top rope for the win over Mysterio. This was bell-to-bell a fantastic match and the kind of coming-out party that Andrade deserved from the beginning. It was perfectly booked and this is the kind of position that Mysterio should be in: putting the younger guys over. Don't get me wrong; of course I like to see Rey win, but it's a truly rarefied position to find yourself in as the legend who's job it is to put the next generation over, but more importantly, this was a huge showcase for Andrade and it proved that he's a phenomenal talent, and he should likely be one of the next in line to challenge Rusev for the US title. This was one of those grand "Fight Forever" matches that could have gone the length of the rest of the show, and I'd have called this one of the greatest episodes of Smackdown ever.
But now we're back to the bad stuff because we have Jimmy Uso going to Mandy's hotel room, and once Uce enters, Mandy is there in not much more than a smile, but Jimmy says that whatever this is, it's not going to happen. Then Mandy brings out the truth that she doesn't like Jimmy at all and is just trying to break him and Naomi up. Jimmy leaves the room like it's no big thing that she said that, and then Naomi is there to beat the shit out of Mandy. For whatever reason, Mandy ends up coming out on top in this particular hotel room fracas, and Jimmy is there to help Naomi out of the room. So, having watched this, and I kind of hope you didn't, but it you did, try to answer a simple question for me: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS? It didn't tell a story, it didn't get anyone over, and it just seemed like Vince trying to get his septuagenarian rocks off. It was ugly, it was insulting and it was gross, and I hated every single second of it. There is a To Be Continued type of question mark as to what will actually come out of all of this, but I'm sure it'll suck even harder.
Then we got to something that was relatively harmless fun that did actually tell something of a story, and that was the birthday celebration that Miz threw for new bestie Shane McMahon with two cakes and presents. Shane did actually get a pretty sweet pair of kicks, but of course, the celebration was cut short by Tag champs The Bar, and somehow, Shane was able to convince Miz to take on Sheamus one-on-one. Ice Ice Shamey got in a few good licks, but Cesaro got put through a cake-topped table, and Miz was able to get the roll-up win. But Sheamus tried to get some shots in after the loss and Shane came in and rabbit-punched him for a bit, hit him with a rebound elbow, and Miz hit Skull-Crushing Finale on Sheamus. He then dragged the Irishman to the opposite end of the ring, put part of the cake on Sheamus's chest and Shane hit a Coast-to-Coast on him in which it seemed like Shane really hurt himself, but he got himself up and Miz smooshed cake in Sheamy's face.
And that was it... that was Smackdown. This seems somewhat common practice lately. Whenever Raw has a somewhat better-than-usual week, Smackdown's quality drops, and with Smackdown going to Fox on Friday nights later this year, they should really be doing all they can to really gussie it up, but personally, I can't complain too hard about this episode because it did have that fantastic Almas/Mysterio match and that saved this episode from being a total mediocrity.
So that's it for this week in Raw and Smackdown! Make sure to come back on Thursday morning for your fix of NXT happenings this week!!
Until next time, kids...
This week was definitely different. In many ways, it was the "bad" kind of different, some ways were the "same" kind of different, but in other ways, it was the "great" kind of different. So let's try to sort through this fascinating episode from the beginning, shall we?
The show started with Vince pulling up in a limo, fussing about smudges on the paint job, and cut to Braun cutting a promo from the ring, talking about how Brock was gonna get these hands, yadda yadda yadda, Baron Corbin saved Lesnar from Strowman at WWE Crown Jewel, the name of which changed to WWE World Cup for reasons all too apparent, and then Corbin came out to a chorus of boos as per usual, and said that Braun couldn't beat Brock before and he won't beat him again, but Corbin would win the Rumble and he would beat Brock for the Universal Title. Braun gave Corbin chase, and in a hilarious bit, Elias sang a song about how Corbin was hiding in aforementioned limo, which Braun proceeded to smash in a window of and rip one of the doors off its hinges, and as Corbin escaped, Vince saw what was done to his limo, and decided to fine Braun $100K. Braun retorted with a crack about the car not being worth that, so Vince decided to punish Braun further by removing him from the Universal title match at the Rumble. Then Braun decided to overturn the limo. It was basically old hat, but it didn't get Braun over in the way I think was intended. He was defiant, and he turned over a car, but this wasn't anything we hadn't seen before. I think that it seemed clear that Strowman was still recovering from his elbow surgery, but the prevailing theory is that Vince and Lesnar didn't want another match with Strowman and wanted to kayfabe Braun out of the match, so the question that would remain for the rest of the show would be who, then, would face Lesnar at the Rumble?
Then we got a tag match with Ronda Rousey with Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax and Tamina. I really hate being that person, but the more I watch Nia closely, the more I think she should be shipped back to developmental. There's a reason she's gained the wrong kind of notoriety as a supposedly unsafe worker, and some of her matches lately have seemed stiff as hell, and when she's working with other competitors who move so smoothly, Nia's work seems that much more glaringly poor. But Banks and Ronda really did their level best to make this match work, and it finished with Sasha putting the Bank Statement on Tamina. But of course, the drama didn't end there as they did an in-ring post-match interview where Rousey said she was going to be proud to beat Sasha at the Rumble. This escalated into a weird war of words where Sasha rightly got pissed off at Ronda's assumptions that she would win, but Rousey kept backpedaling to try to keep the babyface on her, which just got fucking weird in the sense that she should be okay with telling Sasha that she's going to beat her rather than trying to be polite about it. It was just a really messy promo that continued backstage, and both Bayley and Natalya came to their respective friends' sides when The Riott Squad came to drum up some more drama with the babyfaces by stating that since they couldn't get along, the Squad would have no trouble beating them, and told Bayley and Nattie to find a friend so they could compete in a 3-on-3 again.
Then things got even weirder when the Lucha House Party took on The Revival in another match. Dash and Dawson were still understandably upset about their schmozzed-up loss last week, and were determined to take their frustrations out on LHP. During the match, though, they went picture-in-picture to a backstage segment showing all the competitors lining up outside Vince's office to make their case for taking on Brock at the Rumble. People like Curt Hawkins (who has a very funny video up on YouTube with Zack Ryder which you should look up), Apollo Crews, Slater and Rhyno, and the B-Team and a single glance at EC3. Is this how they're introducing EC3 to the main roster? I fucking hope not. Anyway, this was a clear demonstration that Raw didn't really have much faith that the match we were supposed to be watching was going to hold our interest, and that pissed me off, because it should. As I've stated, I really dig The Revival, and this should have been a showcase for them, but rather than it being all about the match, it was all about the finish. Dawson countered Gran Metalik and hit a DDT but when Metalik was in the cover, he put his foot on the rope and Dash knocked it off and The Revival got the win. This didn't seem like a victory or a loss for anyone. This seemed like it should have been a 2-minute match with the same ending rather than what we got. It didn't really do anything to further the story of the redemption of The Revival and it certainly didn't do anything to hype up their tag title match at the Rumble. This was a real shit-show for everyone involved.
Then we got to the meat of the evening (pun intended) when Vince came out to discuss who would face Lesnar at the Rumble. He rambled on for about a minute until John Cena's music hit and he came out with purpose. And Cena spouted the same stuff he always does about how he's bled and scraped and clawed for WWE and that he still has the ruthless aggression to take on Lesnar. Then Drew McIntyre came out and called bullshit on Cena. Then Corbin came out and insisted that since Strowman attacked him, he might get a lawyer or he should just face Lesnar.
Then things got very interesting.
Finn Balor came out and said that he doesn't understand why he's always being left out of these types of conversations, and of course, he has a fair point; this was the guy who was supposed to be the face of the company when he came out of NXT and became the first Universal Champion, but since his fateful injury and his long recovery time, he's been left behind at almost every moment. He's gotten some shots at the IC title, but always came up short, and has been left as a utility player when Vince wants a good crowd pop. Vince then directed Finn to look around the ring at the raw strength (or "Beef" as Vince insisted on calling it) that was on display, and felt that Finn didn't have what it took. Finn then shot back at Vince, saying that he knows Vince never believed in him, and that his actions would speak louder than his words and started tussling with Corbin. Drew ended up with the upper hand laying out both Cena and Balor with the Claymore, and we suddenly had a fatal 4-way as the main event between these competitors.
Then we got a segment where Jinder Mahal used a lot of ass-kissing to try to finagle his way into the fatal 4-way since he lost the title to A.J. right before Survivor Series 2017 and didn't get to face Brock. So Vince gave him Balor to fight if he wanted a spot.
Then we got the 3-on-3 women's tag match between the Riott Squad vs Bayley and Natalya and mystery competitor. So who would join them? Naturally, I thought it was going to be Ember Moon, the only other babyface in the Raw women's division, but it turned out to be none other than Nikki Cross. Look, I'm a mark. I'm a huge sucker for surprises, and this one delighted me to no end. I loved watching Nikki bring her maximum insanity to a main roster show, and while she had already kind of debuted on Smackdown against Becky, this was just an altogether different experience to see her with tag with the babyfaces. Her energy really drove this match forward as she helped Bayley pick up the win by hitting The Purge while Liv Morgan's legs were draped on the top rope while Bayley hit the Macho Man Elbow from the top turnbuckle for the win. Now, Michael Cole did announce that Nikki wouldn't necessarily be a permanent fixture on Raw, and that the NXT call-ups were likely going to bounce between shows until they found a home. That actually makes the call-ups more interesting because we're still not sure where they'll end up, so I liked that idea a lot. Otherwise, this was a fun match and it showed off a moderately cleaned-up (more TV ready, I should say) version of Nikki that is still really entertaining to watch.
After this match came the Mahal/Balor bout that would decide who would go to the main event, which before we got into the match, we saw a brief glimpse of Lacey Evans, which was as unremarkable as EC3's, for lack of a better term, cameo. It started during Balor's entrance where Samir Singh distracted Balor while Jinder slammed him into the barricade and then drove him chest-first into the ring apron a few times, and this was all before the bell rang. Once the match started, Mahal was all over Balor, not giving him any reprieve. But Balor would eventually make his way back and end the match with the shotgun dropkick and the Coup de Grace. Again, this wasn't a perfect match, but this was all about building Balor as the Cinderella story he needed to go into the fatal 4-way.
Let's take a few moments to talk about the Extraordinary Man who can do Extraordinary Things. So there's been a lot of chatter over the past few weeks about the push that Balor seems to be getting. Not that people have necessarily been saying that it's undeserved, but it has raised eyebrows and forced people to look once more at the leader of Balor Club. The prevailing theory that has really kicked into gear over the past week among the dirt sheets is that since Balor was once perceived to be WWE's golden boy after his record-setting run as NXT champ and being the first Universal champ, he's been underused and mostly ignored and being kept out of the title picture, he might be pretty bummed out about that, and he might be looking to go somewhere else, and right now, all roads outside WWE seem to be leading to All Elite Wrestling. Obviously, the former Real Rock'n'Rolla has some history with the guys creating that brand, and AEW is offering WWE money plus a lot more creative freedom, and having Cody, the Young Bucks, and Chris Jericho officially defecting from WWE (causing Jericho's image in the pre-show "Then, Now, Forever" banner to be removed), AEW is going to have a lot of eyes on it, and someone who has been as creative as Balor has been over the years would seem to be a perfect fit for a fledgling promotion like AEW, so it seems to make sense that Vince would want to keep a solid competitor (and merch seller) like Balor around. So, the things that happened on this episode and over the past weeks could be an indicator that Vince finally sees the things that we see in Finn.
Now we need to talk about the triple-threat IC title match between champ Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins vs Bobby Lashley. This whole match was just a lot of surprisingly solid storytelling and in-ring action. It showed that Dean and Seth can still think alike as they tried to take Lashley out. This caused Lio Rush to get involved and that really worked to everyone's advantage, and say what you want about how annoying Lio is (considering his job essentially is to be annoying), his physical skill and speed are something else, and it's always a blast watching him scurry away from a potential assault. Of course things would break down between Dean and Seth, and the beneficiary of that discord would be Lashley who stopped Seth from hitting the Stomp on Dean by hitting him with a spear for the win and Bobby Fucking Lashley became the new Intercontinental Champion. And those are words I didn't ever think I'd write. This seems to be an all-around shocker of a title change, but it really does make sense. As I've pointed out several times, Dean's title run has been just as much of a garbage fire as when he burned his Shield vest. He didn't work to make it important, and it's only made his shitty forced heel turn that much worse. Seth doesn't need this title, because he already worked his ass off to make it important, and once he dropped it, it meant he could focus on going after the Universal title. Lashley will likely have a relatively brief run with the title, but he and Rush could very likely make it more interesting than what Dean has done with it. But what I also believe was a factor was the crowd reaction to Seth and Dean's TLC match, which was... not great to put it mildly. But when assholes started the "This is boring" chants, unfortunately that made Vince pay attention in all the wrong ways, and this could be the continuing fallout from that reaction.
So we transitioned then from a pretty high high, to a really low low. After the commercial break, we were going to get another Moment of Bliss with Paul Heyman as guest, but right before the break, we had Alexa's production assistant come into her dressing room to deliver her cup of coffee (that she demanded last week), but when he got back there, Alexa had not yet put her top on and had to quickly cover up. And this of course became another IWC clusterfuck on Twitter as those who were offended by the objectification of Lexi were suddenly a bunch of babies who claim to want more "mature" storytelling on the main roster, but when we get it, we all get "triggered" and we're a bunch of "snowflakes". What people don't seem to understand, though, is that this isn't "mature" storytelling. It doesn't tell a story at all; it's pure titillation, and it has Vince's fingerprints all over it. I don't know why Vince or anyone in Creative would think that this was a good idea at all. Over the course of the last few weeks on the main roster, we've had the stupid Mandy Rose bathrobe shit with Naomi and Jimmy Uso, and now this. It's another example of objectification and it's just fucking stupid. Anyway, during this segment, the reveal was finally made of the Women's Tag Titles, and announced that the match for the titles would occur at the Elimination Chamber PPV. Then Alexa talked to Heyman who started to put over Drew McIntyre as the only really legitimate competitor in the fatal 4-way, but this segment was interrupted by a very bizarre moment where Otis Dozovic of Heavy Machinery came out and stared at the Women's Tag titles and made a series of incoherent noises until Tucker Knight came out to grab his partner and took him backstage and the segment ended. I get that the point of this was to introduce the really cool-looking Women's Tag belts, and also for Heyman to put McIntyre over, but everything else that happened was either gross or stupid or both. I know that Heavy Machinery are going to be largely a comedy act but this was just a really awful way to introduce them to the main roster. They're great in the ring, they're a lot of fun and they deserved better.
But then we got the fatal 4-way, and this was just fantastic. It was booked right from every aspect. It had our babyfaces taking on the heels and a lot of really great false finishes that really amped up the drama of the match, but this was the night where Vince decided to hit the reboot button on the push of Finn Balor. This show, while nowhere near as good as his main roster debut back in 2016 before Summerslam, it was very similar. This matched finished with Finn getting the win on Cena, keeping Drew safe from having to eat the pin, and Cena getting to put Finn over not over in the match itself, but also post-match as Cena grabbed a mic and declared himself a believer in Balor. It was a nice moment from the 16-time champ as it really got Balor to the point that he was once at when he first came to the main roster. Also it was fun to have Balor get the pin on Cena after Cena was the one who eliminated Balor at last year's Rumble. As readers of my previous posts will know, I've made no secret of my love of Balor. My wife and I are going to be attending the Royal Rumble Axxess event on Saturday and have paid for the Ultimate VIP package (or whatever they're calling it) to get some time to have a photo taken with Balor. To be fair, this is more my wife's thing than mine since Balor is her "hall pass", but he's probably also mine considering my bi-curious tendencies. But Balor has been a favorite in this household since his NXT days, and since I'm officially subscribed to New Japan's "streaming" service, I fully intend to find more of his matches there as well. As it stands, Finn is facing Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble for the Universal title, and if Creative has a brain in their fucking heads, they will have Heyman cut a promo about how Finn isn't ready for the Beast and The Demon King comes out to confront Heyman, confirming it will be The Demon King vs The Beast Incarnate. That's printing money right there. I cannot fucking wait. And hopefully, there will be some better builds to the Rumble on the go-home next week.
Now, onto Smackdown!
Well, before I get too far into it, I do need to say that this has been arguably the weirdest fucking week of WWE programming I've ever seen. Just so many oddities occurring either backstage, in the ring, or elsewhere. Some of it has worked, a lot of it hasn't, and all of it has just been bizarre.
Okay, so we opened with The Man getting out of her car, tossing the keys to Kayla Braxton as if she's the valet, and then walking up to The New Day hanging out with Heavy Machinery where Otis is putting pancakes, shelled eggs and some kind of packet of meat (I'm thinking it was tuna?) into a blender to drink from it. Becky strides up, takes a sip and simply states, "A little weak" for a tremendous laugh from me, and then hits the stage to cut a promo about how Asuka had dropped off the radar while she was making worldwide news. Then Asuka comes out to tell Becky that Becky is all buzz but with no sting. Let's take a moment to talk about Asuka and the "What?" chants. First of all, the "What?" chant is arguably the worst thing that has been a leftover from the Attitude Era. It sucks and I hate it, even when it's a heel. But with Asuka, it's entirely different. I know that we love Becky, but our love of The Man shouldn't come at the cost of Asuka. And I'd like to see any average American go to another country after 20 + years and see how long it takes them to speak that country's language. So fuck you and your "What" chants to someone whose second language is English. And what's worse about that is that level of stupidity and ignorance is unfortunately something that Vince listens to. So just stop. Okay, getting off my soapbox now, but expect more of it in this column this week. As Becky and Asuka are facing off in the ring, the Iiconics come out and start to tear down the champ and The Man and say a bunch of painfully stupid shit, and you think that we're getting another heel team tagging against the champ and their upcoming opponent like we see all the time, and saw last night with Ronda and Sasha teaming together. But they smartly opted for something different. Becky, still in her street clothes, challenged Peyton Royce to a one-on-one, and it went on for much longer than it should have. Becky eventually locked in the Dis-Arm-Her and got the submission win, and at one point during the match, Lacey Evans was shown backstage watching the match like she was scouting. Then Asuka got up in the ring, and beckoned Billie Kay for a match. Billie tried to head out, but Asuka grabbed her and pulled her in the ring and the match was made instantly (which I didn't know that they could do that in kayfabe, but whatever), and within a little over a minute, the Empress locked in the Asuka Lock and got her own submission win. It made more sense from a booking standpoint to do the "anything you can do, I can do better" from the champ, but both of the matches should have been squashes. It doesn't hurt the Iiconics because they're a tag team and not singles competitors, but the prolonged match that Becky had didn't help her.
And then the weirdness continued as just when it looked like Becky and Asuka were about to get into it, A.J. Styles' music hit and he came out into the arena and walked out and it went to commercial, which didn't make sense at all. But after the commercial, we got A.J. cutting the inverse of Daniel Bryan's promo last week where he was applauding the fans for spending their hard-earned money on hot dogs and merch. But disguised in a hoodie, Bryan came out from the crowd and attacked A.J., but Styles ended up putting Bryan through a table covered in hot dogs and condiments. Soon after that, on Twitter, Bryan posted a few things about how hot dogs are really made using some PETA videos, and again, since he's vegan and really does believe in this stuff, he gets to put this stuff out there as a heel. I wasn't a huge fan of the segment, but I loved what Bryan continues to do by increasing awareness about the things he's passionate about in reality and working it into kayfabe.
And then the show got worse before it could get better, because Jimmy got what seemed to be a gift from Naomi, but it was of course from Mandy Rose, and it contained her hotel key. Jey asked Jimmy what he was going to do, and Jimmy replied that he didn't know. Then it cut to Mandy and Sonya with Mandy telling Sonya that this is all just a tactic to get Naomi so mad that it will destroy her marriage to Jimmy. This bullshit makes no sense, and it's playing straight into the Vince trope that a woman's only real worth is her sexual attractiveness, but this gets worse. More on this later.
Then we got what was supposed to be a match between Samoa Joe and Mustafa Ali, but before the bell rang, Joe fucking demolished Ali by whipping him into not one but two ring posts and a few barricades. He went backstage after the match was called off and cut another great promo about how he was going to treat all the superstars at the Rumble match the same way. Personally, I was bummed to not see Ali compete, but I'm here all day for a Mustafa/Joe rivalry.
Then we got what should be another early contender for Match of the Year (after Dunne vs Coffey at Takeover Blackpool) as Andrade (yes, apparently the "Cien" Almas is being dropped) took on Rey Mysterio in a singles match, and holy fucking shit, was this match off the chain. We saw moves that I don't even know if there are names for and every single one of them seemed to be worthy of a gif. We got another Canadian Destroyer, a Crucifix Bomb, a takedown 'rana from the apron, and so much more. Ultimately, Zelina Vega caused the distraction that allowed Andrade to crotch Rey on the top rope, and he hit the Hammerlock DDT from the top rope for the win over Mysterio. This was bell-to-bell a fantastic match and the kind of coming-out party that Andrade deserved from the beginning. It was perfectly booked and this is the kind of position that Mysterio should be in: putting the younger guys over. Don't get me wrong; of course I like to see Rey win, but it's a truly rarefied position to find yourself in as the legend who's job it is to put the next generation over, but more importantly, this was a huge showcase for Andrade and it proved that he's a phenomenal talent, and he should likely be one of the next in line to challenge Rusev for the US title. This was one of those grand "Fight Forever" matches that could have gone the length of the rest of the show, and I'd have called this one of the greatest episodes of Smackdown ever.
But now we're back to the bad stuff because we have Jimmy Uso going to Mandy's hotel room, and once Uce enters, Mandy is there in not much more than a smile, but Jimmy says that whatever this is, it's not going to happen. Then Mandy brings out the truth that she doesn't like Jimmy at all and is just trying to break him and Naomi up. Jimmy leaves the room like it's no big thing that she said that, and then Naomi is there to beat the shit out of Mandy. For whatever reason, Mandy ends up coming out on top in this particular hotel room fracas, and Jimmy is there to help Naomi out of the room. So, having watched this, and I kind of hope you didn't, but it you did, try to answer a simple question for me: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS? It didn't tell a story, it didn't get anyone over, and it just seemed like Vince trying to get his septuagenarian rocks off. It was ugly, it was insulting and it was gross, and I hated every single second of it. There is a To Be Continued type of question mark as to what will actually come out of all of this, but I'm sure it'll suck even harder.
Then we got to something that was relatively harmless fun that did actually tell something of a story, and that was the birthday celebration that Miz threw for new bestie Shane McMahon with two cakes and presents. Shane did actually get a pretty sweet pair of kicks, but of course, the celebration was cut short by Tag champs The Bar, and somehow, Shane was able to convince Miz to take on Sheamus one-on-one. Ice Ice Shamey got in a few good licks, but Cesaro got put through a cake-topped table, and Miz was able to get the roll-up win. But Sheamus tried to get some shots in after the loss and Shane came in and rabbit-punched him for a bit, hit him with a rebound elbow, and Miz hit Skull-Crushing Finale on Sheamus. He then dragged the Irishman to the opposite end of the ring, put part of the cake on Sheamus's chest and Shane hit a Coast-to-Coast on him in which it seemed like Shane really hurt himself, but he got himself up and Miz smooshed cake in Sheamy's face.
And that was it... that was Smackdown. This seems somewhat common practice lately. Whenever Raw has a somewhat better-than-usual week, Smackdown's quality drops, and with Smackdown going to Fox on Friday nights later this year, they should really be doing all they can to really gussie it up, but personally, I can't complain too hard about this episode because it did have that fantastic Almas/Mysterio match and that saved this episode from being a total mediocrity.
So that's it for this week in Raw and Smackdown! Make sure to come back on Thursday morning for your fix of NXT happenings this week!!
Until next time, kids...
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